wake up call

Been at mum's place over the weekends. Thanks Mum n Dad they did not remind me of my pregnancy... thanks mum not asking me to go for abortion again before i do the last test to confirm all. I do understand my mum's pain when she told me of her suggestion. Which mother will want to watch their children go thru suffering??? But yet from my love of my baby, which mother will want to deprive the chance of its own child of surviving? Who knows if baby is not down with Edward syndrome at all... or perhaps there is a mistake done on the blood test... or baby is fighting well??? Just like the 99 balloons of baby Eliot and the life of baby Abigail that they fight on for the love of its parents...

Da jie jie and ah gal was nice... they told me not to worried too. Reminding me that they are all here for me.

Ah yi told me she got a good lot and ask me not to worried.

Whatever it is.. i tink more or less i am tired of thinking why why why and what if!!!??? Tired of griefing..

Vivi was down with fever last nite, somehow i was guilty by what kind of mummy i have been... I must have been neglecting my children with all my stupid tots. She is sick yet she still helps me to do this n that when i call her.. no complain. While i at times, keep asking her, "Vivi, will meimei be alrite?" Vivi keep assuring me.. while i keep asking... damn it,rite! Even papa chia was asking, "how u look after them huh? think wat! Everytime i not around, vivi sure sick!"

Both of us took childcare leave today. I was kind of guilty.. and papa was worried that i did not bring vivi to see doctor or worst she refuse to eat her medication.

Papa Chia is somehow exhausted by me too but still try his best to make me happy... from doing housework chores, feeding n bathing my pets and looking after the children.

I tink is time i stop what i have been doing... yes, think positive. Yes, there is no wrong of me to feel anxiety or fear. Let it be. Baby will be well. If i keep behaving this way, i am very disgusting. Like wat the lot says, if is mine is mine.. ya, cannot accept also like this.

I am feeling better now.. and getting wiser.. dun worry for me.